Alone on Valentine's Day again

I've always wondered what would St. Valentine's would think about the day of love had he survived his burning at the stake (or so I am told). Would he ever encounter the Friend Zone, a dreaded black hole of pain and love. Would he have committed suicide because of the all the misery that the lack of love or the pains of love can create....or just being alive for so damned long to learn that his romantic act was in reality a pale naive sham of stupidity and high ideals.

Or would he be the biggest fucking pussy magnet on the earth came Valentine's day, living his life as the Only day you can fuck on planet Earth. Having a world tour leading up to his day in the year where he'll have a big orgy fuck-fest the likes of the porn movie Houston 500. Will him become the rock star of love and embrace the commercial side of Valentine's day; Get your Valentine's Brand Named chocolates and diamonds here folks, only for a limited time. And this year only, the Sybian Saddle and Venus 2000...SIGNED BY THE GREAT ONE HIMSELF! Hide your wallets people, and your heart....Valentine's day is here!

The Rise of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Now I have seen my share of flash movies. But I have to say, with just sprite rips *and* not being a fully funded by some big-ass company nor being an original animation, this flash movie is pretty good. I'm fucking surprised on how good it is. Enjoy.

Part 1
Part 2

It's amzing how small things really can make you feel happy again. Like feeling better. God I feel happy, happier than I have been in a long time. I was driving running some errands on this fine day in FSJ. It was either -2 or +2 I forget, but it was really brisk. I noticed when I pulled out of the driveway I seemed bit more chipper. I had shaved a few minutes ago. Needless to say, I think the winter air helped out a lot. I felt more relaxed, and the prospect of being able to stay outside without having the nagging cold force me to go back in was promising.

I exchanged out a cd I currently had in, LOTR: The Two Towers Soundtrack and put in David Usher. I think from now on I will associate his pop-ful music with my happiness, at least to that moment. His cheerful voice with so-so lyrics really picked up me. And for the first time in a long time I opened up the windows as I drove. Breathing in the winter air was like a slight tickle on my nose hairs, more like a massage, as only a cool breeze can offer your skin. I smiled uncontrollably and wanted to pass this happiness on to other people, driving past by me. Just being able to hear the ambient sounds outside was relieving.

Ever since grade 11 I had basically a yearly mini-nervous breakdown. A point where I just let everything that I hate building up in that point in a sort of primal scream or cringe of emotional pain. It was good for the time being, and sort of part of my nature at the time. Hell it was even a trend thing for me. But to tell the truth, it's been off kilter recently. It would come late, or too early or just something else would set it off.

It was about a week and a half ago where I was in bed and then I had this sort of panic attack. Not an anxiety attack at all, I can diagnose that kinda shit because whatever I usually have is probably overexaggerated anyways. But I felt my confidence just shut the fuck down. I felt like I was reverting to primal feelings, like wanting to smash the fuck of my wall. It could have been stress, the cola I drank earlier (which I tend to get hyper) or even perhaps the cold that I had last week.

Irregardless I had those feelings and in the longest time I felt sad. Genuinly sad. Now this isn't really bad sadness. In most cases the real depressed feelings I ever had were merely sort of cries of attention or superficial at best. Plus it was possibly much more worse than the geniune sadness I felt last week. But still it felt like a sort of heaviness on my heart. A literal fullness of heat in my head.

And now I don't feel happy at all. It could be the cold. But I doesn't mean I feel sad, it's just that I feel so devoid of happiness that something more damning replaced it. Apathy. Perhaps I need a vacation. Perhaps I need again, petty validation from my friends. But perhaps I shouldn't be always living to get certain praise for my friends and respect myself which I do to a certain degree.

Well in the end this all might pass, and I'll go back to being on the rollercoaster that are my emotions. It's normal for everyone I suppose.